23-1

My mind continues to work overtime in anticipation of my future. I worry and obsess… and not in a good way. It is not about details, I’m not in that frame of mind; I’m more in a panic mode than anywhere near the clarity one needs to get into specifics. I’m not sleeping well andContinue reading “23-1”

22-7

Over the last few days I have found it difficult to read or to sleep. I alluded earlier to my own fears, but in the name of intellectual precision I might better characterize them as the fear of the uncertainties that lie ahead. I lack purpose. I have spent my life being overprepared for theContinue reading “22-7”

22-6

I’ve been waking up at about 0330 for the last couple of weeks with the same recurring nightmare. I don’t normally dream – I don’t think – but in this particular instance I’m always in a car. It’s a very stressful situation; I’m the driver and I’m alone. I’m particularly conscious of the driving lawsContinue reading “22-6”

22-5

We made sure to say hello at the next unlock, exchanged niceties, and although I wanted to ask him about his leg, or rather the absence of it, I refrained; doctors will be doctors, and all things in their time. That’s one of the first things you learn in here, patience. Believe me; nothing’s goingContinue reading “22-5”

22-4

As a result Christina’s presence, there was more activity than usual in H-mod. Testosterone was flowing. The inmates were louder and that evening there was more joking, more laughter, more interacting. I am not sure it was constructive, but whatever it was, there was more of it than usual, until finally lights out arrived atContinue reading “22-4”

22-3

H mod was now being run – again – with eight guys sleeping on cots on the floor in the day room. If that wasn’t bad enough, Officer Weary then attempted to add one more to the mix: the mod workers carried in a plastic bed and she…yes she…walked beside them, supervising the move. IContinue reading “22-3”

22-2

All in all though, the “stress level” in H-Mod was up again because we had eight people sleeping on the floor in the day room. That meant not enough time to shower or access to the phones. Overcrowding just compounded an already bad situation. I did, however, use the fact that the food had gottenContinue reading “22-2”

22-1

On Tuesday and Saturday evening “unlocks”, we, the inmates, get the opportunity to pay attention to a little personal grooming. And amazingly, even though, theoretically, there is nothing in here but men, it is infinitely important to these guys to “look good”. I didn’t quite understand it at first, but I reckon we cling toContinue reading “22-1”

21-7

The fact is the Nazis haven’t cornered the market on hate, violence, or racism. It’s rampant in here in its purest form. You get a look at blind tribalism that would make any anthropologist jealous. There are four to five, make that six, guys on H-mod who are Latin. There is Moses, the new modContinue reading “21-7”

21-6

I received a letter from Sean today. Sean, if you remember, is the young White Supremacist with a long history of trouble with the law – at least for his age. Sean is a good kid, with the opportunity for a bright future. Sean is experiencing the first, and possibly the most important aspect ofContinue reading “21-6”

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